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10 Personality Traits That Indicate You Might Be a Chronic Liar

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chronic liarLying is a common behavior that most people engage in occasionally, but chronic lying is a different matter entirely. It involves a pattern of habitual deception that can damage relationships, erode trust, and create a web of complications in both personal and professional life. Understanding the personality traits that may indicate chronic lying can help you identify and address these behaviors before they lead to more serious consequences. Here are 10 personality traits that suggest you might be a chronic liar and insights into how these traits manifest in daily life.

1. Compulsive Storytelling

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One of the key traits of a chronic liar is the tendency to tell elaborate stories, often embellishing or fabricating details to make themselves look better or more interesting. This compulsive storytelling can be a way to gain attention, admiration, or sympathy from others. Chronic liars may feel the need to constantly create new narratives or exaggerate facts, making it difficult for them to keep track of their own stories. This behavior not only undermines their credibility but also creates a cycle of deception that can be hard to break.

2. Lack of Empathy

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A lack of empathy is often associated with chronic lying, as it allows individuals to lie without considering the impact on others. People who are chronic liars may find it easier to deceive others because they do not fully grasp or care about the emotional consequences of their actions. This trait can lead to a disregard for the feelings and well-being of others, as chronic liars prioritize their own needs and desires over the truth. The absence of empathy makes it easier for them to justify their lies and continue their deceptive behavior.

3. High Manipulativeness

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Chronic liars often possess a high degree of manipulativeness, using lies to control or influence situations and people to their advantage. They may tell different stories to different people, creating confusion and gaining leverage in various situations. This manipulative behavior can lead to a pattern of deceit where the chronic liar constantly seeks to benefit from their lies, whether it’s in personal relationships, work, or social interactions. The ability to manipulate effectively requires a certain level of skill and awareness, which chronic liars often possess.

4. Frequent Contradictions

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Another telltale sign of a chronic liar is the presence of frequent contradictions in their stories and statements. They may forget previous lies or fail to keep their stories straight, leading to inconsistencies that can be easily noticed by others. These contradictions can damage their credibility and make it difficult for others to trust them. Chronic liars often find themselves in situations where they have to cover up one lie with another, creating a tangled web of deception that is hard to maintain.

5. Impulsivity

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Impulsivity is a common trait among chronic liars, as they often tell lies without thinking about the consequences. They may lie spontaneously to get out of trouble, gain a quick advantage, or simply avoid discomfort, without considering the long-term effects of their actions. This impulsive lying can lead to a pattern where lies become a go-to response in challenging situations. Chronic liars may struggle to resist the urge to lie, even when it’s unnecessary or counterproductive, perpetuating a cycle of deception.

6. High Need for Approval

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A strong need for approval and validation from others can drive chronic lying. Individuals who are chronic liars may feel compelled to lie to gain acceptance, admiration, or sympathy. They might fabricate stories to make themselves seem more impressive or relatable to others. This desire for approval can lead them to create a false image of themselves, which they feel obligated to maintain through continued deception. The need for validation makes it difficult for chronic liars to be honest, as they fear that the truth will lead to rejection or disapproval.

7. Difficulty Maintaining Relationships

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Chronic liars often struggle to maintain healthy relationships due to their deceptive behavior. Their constant lying can create a lack of trust and reliability, making it challenging for others to form close bonds with them. Over time, this can lead to isolation and damaged relationships. The difficulty in maintaining relationships is a direct consequence of the lack of trust that chronic lying fosters. People are less likely to invest in a relationship with someone they cannot trust, leading to a cycle of broken relationships and loneliness for the chronic liar.

8. Defensive Behavior

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When confronted about their lies, chronic liars tend to become highly defensive. They may deny, deflect, or become aggressive to avoid admitting the truth. This defensive behavior is a way to protect themselves from the consequences of their lies and maintain their facade. Defensiveness makes it difficult for chronic liars to accept responsibility for their actions or acknowledge their dishonesty. This trait perpetuates their cycle of lying, as they continually seek to avoid accountability and the negative repercussions of their behavior.

9. Low Self-Esteem

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Low self-esteem is often linked to chronic lying, as individuals may use lies to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or inferiority. They might fabricate achievements, experiences, or qualities to create a more favorable image of themselves and boost their self-worth. Chronic liars with low self-esteem may feel that the truth is not good enough and that they need to embellish their reality to gain acceptance and respect. This can lead to a pattern of deception where lying becomes a coping mechanism for their lack of confidence.

10. Habitual Deception

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At the core of chronic lying is habitual deception. Chronic liars often lie out of habit, even in situations where the truth would suffice. This ingrained behavior makes it challenging for them to differentiate between reality and their fabrications. Habitual deception becomes a default response, making it difficult for chronic liars to break free from their pattern of lying. Over time, this behavior can become deeply entrenched, requiring significant effort and support to change.

Breaking the Cycle of Chronic Lying

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Recognizing the traits of chronic lying is the first step toward breaking the cycle of deception. If you identify with any of these traits or suspect that someone you know might be a chronic liar, it’s important to address the issue constructively. Seeking professional help, fostering open communication, and promoting a culture of honesty can help mitigate the negative impacts of chronic lying. By understanding the underlying causes and working towards change, it’s possible to build more trustful and authentic relationships and create a healthier, more honest way of living.

How Colors Affect Your Investment Decisions

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When I was a new advisor, one area I failed to understand was the importance of color. We are, at our heart, 90% subconscious beings. Sure, we have thoughts, but while we’re deciding which ice cream to eat, our automatic mind is handling the so-much-more trivial tasks of (among many, many others) breathing and sensory response. Those who are able to reach those subconscious portions of us are more likely to sell us on pursuing whatever it is they’re selling.

I was in the business of selling you on your goals. Better yet, I was in the business of selling you on the fact that you’d rather pay me to handle as much of your money as possible.

I wasn’t selling actual products, I was selling the concepts of trust, commitment, and richness. These concepts can be expressed in colors.

Colors Affect Decision Making

The use of color in sales isn’t limited to investment advisors. On the contrary, most advisors have little understanding of the importance of the subconscious on a client’s decision to say “yes” or “no” to a strategy. Yet there’s tons of research available, from color’s role in shopping to fruit-buying, and even clean energy and cleaning supplies.

Marketers understand the role of color. So should you.

Brief overview of colors

Most of the colors below have two different associations, that depend on your experience and temperament

  • Red – Danger, power, and strength. On the other side of the coin, passion, desire, and love are also associated with this color.
  • Green – Growth and harmony. Common associations include tranquility and a sense of calm.
  • Blue – Trust, peace, compassion, and warmth. Can also emit feelings of sadness and cold.
  • Brown – Dependability and resilience. Users of brown are typically more reserved.
  • Orange – Joy, enthusiasm,  and attraction are common associations. Orange is also used to call attention.
  • Purple – Mysterious, wealthy, and soothing (to some).
  • Yellow – Aggressive, energetic, and cheerful.
  • Black – Power, aggressiveness, and sadness.
  • White – Purity, bland, and cold.

Effective Colors

If I had meetings with potential new clients, I’d choose royal blue ties. Royal blue suggests security and trust. My goal with new clients was to be the guy they could hand money over to manage. Imagine that you were meeting with an advisor that you’d never previously met. Would you trust a guy wearing red?

In later meetings, when we’d talk about investing, I’d switch colors to green. Hunter green especially is a wealthy color. This was most effective with clients who seemed to be in love with the pursuit of money. If I projected wealthy colors, they were more likely to accept my counsel and allow me to manage more of their assets inside my firm. Even so, if I wore green to meetings where we were signing contracts, it symbolized that these were going to be big money-making investments.

Avoid These Colors

I owned a kick-ass yellow tie. Besides being the color of caution, my blondish hair created a pale, washed outlook. It seemed like I might be sick. This unsteady, youthful, and pale look decreased sales.

Red was a color I played games with. I had a red marker on my dry erase board. When I was disproving something other advisors had told my client, or I was recommending areas we wanted to avoid, I purposefully used red. I switched to blue or green markers to illustrate my own strategies.

What Does This Have To Do With You?

Colors affect all of your buying decisions. If an advisor is recommending a change in your strategy, be aware of her choice of colors when making an argument. When you’re handed a prospectus for a product, look at the colors they choose. When you go to a financial company website, avoid the urge to choose based on the color pattern.

Let’s look at a few examples:

Fidelity.com: Bright, fresh green. The only orange is the “choose an account button.” Orange is a “call to action” color. Blue is only used in the words “See how Fidelity can help.” Remember what I said about trust? These colors aren’t accidents.

Vanguard.com: Red all over the place. At first blush, this seems like a mistake, but think about what Vanguard sells. They sell at a lower cost and the fact that you’re probably paying too much if you’re looking somewhere else. Even the keyword on the side, “Vanguarding” suggests stopping to think. Red increases your heart rate, gets you excited, and creates energy. Red is the perfect color for what Vanguard sells.

Scottrade: An interesting choice….purple. This isn’t a bad move either. First, it’s different from the others, but purple is a calm, soothing color. As a slightly smaller broker, Scottrade’s job is to get you to think of them as a steady ship (often I was surprised that many of my clients had never heard of Scottrade).

TDAmeritrade: Check out all the green.

Ameriprise:  Tons of royal blue. Why? This is an advisor-driven company, so they’re not going to sell red. They’re selling a trusted relationship.

E-Trade: Their site is too busy. Lots of green, some blue, and a little purple all make sense. The black across the top is interesting. Black is a power color. I used it during what we’d call “come to Jesus” meetings (I don’t mean to be offensive – that’s the term every office I ever worked in called it when clients needed to either be given the boot or get on board). However, it’s also an impulse shopping color, so maybe E-Trade thinks they have to get people while the impulse is on.

Charles Schwab: Blue, with a big lime button in the middle “get guidance” button and an orange “open an account” button at the top.

The Most Important Point To Remember

Colors are used against you all the time. To stay in control of your money, use colors defensively. Or, when you’re up for your next raise, use colors against your boss!

For more on financial advisors and how to pick the right one check out these great articles.

When I Was a New Financial Advisor
What is the Role of a Financial Advisor?
Afraid To Meet With a Financial Advisor? Here’s How the First Meeting Goes 

Photo credit: wazimu0.

Money Anxiety

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Money Anxiety

Money anxiety is not an official mental disorder but is often treated. It manifests itself in a variety of ways, but I want to explain how anxiety and money affect my own life.

As I’ve mentioned here before, I have been diagnosed with anxiety so my feelings and experiences may be amplified to what you feel.

When it comes to money anxiety, I experience it in a few different scenarios.

Pleasing people

Your willingness or ability to spend money in a relationship should not determine the strength of that relationship. If that’s the case, is that a relationship really worth having?

In my case, it’s directly correlated with my former spouse. She got dealt a few bad hands in life, so I was willing to spend beyond my means to make her happy. Not that the spending inherently would make her happy, it was more of a reluctance to say no due to financial constraints.

That inability to say no stuck me with debt that set me back on my personal finance journey. Obviously, there are other personal factors that resulted in these circumstances, but that’s the gist.

Fitting in

I’ll echo what I said in the first section, your willingness or ability to spend money in a relationship should not determine the strength or quality of that relationship.

Thankfully, I’ve learned from/outgrown this, but it used to be a real challenge for me. Growing up, I never really felt like I fit into a particular friend group. So I developed relationships that I’m thankful for now but otherwise appeared destructive.

Destructive from a personal and financial perspective. As I said, I’ve since outgrown that tendency, but it’s something to be aware of for yourself.

Long-term thinking

This section will specifically talk about my house. The one I’m currently renting. Before we bought that one, we were two years into a mortgage in a different city. The plan was to live there until my son was school-age, and then we’d move to a city with better schools.

The house we ended up buying, I found on a whim. We looked at it, loved it, and put in an offer. It stretched us SUPER thin from a financial perspective. I mean, exhausted all of our savings (including retirement), and we were incredibly close to being negative on our budget.

I knew in my heart that it was the right long-term decision, and I was willing to go through the pain/struggle in the short term for it.

Little did I know that circumstances would change dramatically in the next year or two. Plan for the long term, but also plan for short-term variances (even the dramatic ones).

What I know

Because of my profession, my training, and what I’ve read, I’ve seen what happens when you make poor decisions.

That said, many (if not all) of my financial choices are heavily scrutinized. When I say “financial choices” I mean the larger ones. Day-to-day spending and bills are factored into my budget, though I do a review (as you should) regularly to see where I can trim excess spending.

When I make a financial decision, my money anxiety kicks into gear, as I always second guess myself. I run through the possible scenarios that could play out.

Tim Ferriss calls it fear-setting. The Stoics call it premeditatio morum. It’s a practice of expecting the worst and planning for them as they will happen. Expect the worst, hope for the best. Not a bad thing to do, in money and in life.

My Last Reflection

The Importance of Being Handy

Related reading:

The Psychology of Money

My House and What Brought Me Here

Living with Anxiety and Depression