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My Love Doesn’t Shop At High End Stores

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…well, maybe it shops there (sometimes), but if it’s in love with me it brings a coupon.

Let’s talk about a certain Hallmark holiday coming up around the corner, shall we? The one with hearts and roses?

Before I was married, I had a girlfriend who ONLY shopped at name brand places. She was her mother’s daughter, completely. They’d fly to Chicago (nearby) or New York…even Paris once, just to shop. When she came home, she was always the best dressed person in our circle of friends, by a mile. We were in Levis and she was in Nicole Miller.

I’m not sure I was a fit for this woman (well, it appears I wasn’t now, doesn’t it?). I am comfortable feeling comfortable. I’m not ripped jeans and NASCAR tee-shirt comfortable, but I’m realistic. I have bigger goals for my money, and fashion wasn’t important enough to justify the cost….

I wasn’t worried about my wallet. I was worried about all the cool stuff I really wanted that I wouldn’t be able to have. I value a nice (but moderately priced) home, great vacations, and education (…and for me, it’s education for education’s sake. I dig learning new stuff.) While I certainly had to look the part as a financial advisor, there was no way I was buying a $2,000 suit. Now, I work from home. Does it matter which designer I wear? Hardly.

An important lesson my richest clients taught me (the ones who were completely in love with their spouse or significant other and who never appeared rich, but who went on the world’s COOLEST vacations), was that looking rich and being rich are two totally different things. Also, these people didn’t love their mates because of the amount of money they brought to the table, or if they were wearing THAT designer’s clothing. They were there for each other. Valentines Day around my richest clients? It was nearly always completely ignored.

I’m not a fan of Valentines Day in a bah, humbug, kind of way. I’m not a fan because love doesn’t shop at those high end stores. It doesn’t have a price tag. Yet, walk into any mall in the world and you’re likely to see a display with the line, “Show her how much you care.”

I care by:

– Spending time.
– Being thoughtful by getting my head out of my work and talking about her.
– Making dinner for us (not just that day, but ANY day).
– Handling her half of the daily chores.
– One of my special (and admittedly not very good) massages.
– Talking about the big goals we really want with our money.

Save your money for big experiences and goals. Don’t be distracted by a Hallmark holiday and baubles.

The right gift at the right price for Valentines Day? Don’t put a pricetag on it at all and I think you’ll both be happier.

Speaking of happier….I’m not sure $100 will make you happier, but it’s a ton more fun being sad with a fresh C-Note in your hand, isn’t it? Check out our new contest:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Average Joe’s Friday Read-a-Long

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….in which our intrepid hero, Average Joe, takes you through some of his favorite reads. This post is published whenever the hell Joe gets around to it. Today’s your lucky day.

Happy Friday, read-a-long peeps. It’s been quite a few weeks since this groundhog popped his head out of the hole and said “I’m not sick anymore!” but now’s that time.

Of course, that means I was sick over the entire holiday and only recovered in time to get my ass back to work.

But, with work like this, who needs a holiday anyway, right? You with me?

 

Here’s what I’m talking about:

 

Hey workout lovers, Todd Mayfield at Fearless Men wrote about barefoot running. I’m sticking with shoes for now, but he makes a great case for those five toed shoes.

Savvy Scot and femmefrugality have cool posts on technology. Savvy Scott focuses on emerging energy-saving tech while femmefrugality tackles items that will be cheaper in 2013. Both fun reads if you’re hoping for new toys or lower costs on those toys.

There’s something about making letters that can be personal. As bloggers, we do it by stringing together words in ways that reflect our personality. At Letter Cult, they focus on how people actually draw the letters. This post is full of fascinating examples.

Holly at ClubThrifty writes the funniest/creepiest post of the week, with her near-porno debut at a classic motel.

My internet friend Jefferson at SeeDebtRun outs himself and his weight struggle in Epic Failure. The question I ask is this: what is the right way to lose weight? Go it alone? Do it with a team of help? Read weight loss blogs?

It’s not a blog, but the New York Times ran a fascinating article about how Disney is expanding their technological advantage over other companies….and mining data at the same time.

Hank at Money Q & A lists several ways to keep your New Year’s Resolutions. Generally, New Year’s tips posts won’t make a “must read” list, but Hanks are really good, especially the last one: Don’t Make Any.

…and finally, I love peeing in public as much as the next guy, but TB at Blue Collar Workman (who sees all the good stuff in a day’s work), meets a woman with her pants down….literally in a post last week.

 

As always, too many great blog posts by too many good authors to mention….but this should get you started this weekend!

 

Congrats Are In Order

 

Congratulations to our friend American Debt Project on her recent engagement.

Way to go, Len Penzo on being mentioned on the Dave Ramsey Show! Dave reviewed Len’s Billionaire piece with his listeners and discussed how everything is in perspective. Of course, you can hear Len weekly on the WAY-more-popular Two Guys and Your Money podcast, but I think the little Ramsey thing is a great 2nd place….

Sicorra at Tackling Our Debt reports that her blog planning tools have been downloaded over 1,000 times. Wow! If you haven’t checked them out, what are you waiting for…a link? I just gave it to you!

AND last but not least, our friend Dr. Dean Burke from the Millionaire Nurse Blog finished first in his election for Georgia State Senator, and is headed to a run off early next month. While I’m sure that keeps him away from our podcast a little longer, America can use more great people like Dr. Dean. Congrats on the well-deserved victory!

 

We’re Very Popular and Humble, Too

 

In the last few days we’ve been mentioned quite a few places, and I need the thank my mentioning peeps:

Jason at FrugalHabits, who just might be the friendliest guy on the internet, gave our pieces Stock Market Punishment – 1st Lesson of 2013 and 5 Saving Tips You Wish Someone Had Told You Earlier a nod.

PK, from DQYDJ.NET included our podcast (including his own, awesome contributions) in his DQYDJ Weekender last week.

Todd & John, our friends at Fearless Men, chose Stock Market Punishment – 1st Lesson of 2013 for their as part of their best reads of the week.

Kathleen from FrugalPortland used our savings account strategy in her post Two New Savings Hacks for 2013.

Steve Stewart of MoneyPlanSoS fame mentioned our podcast on his DaveRamseyFan website in his post: Dave Reads: What’s It Like to Be a Billionaire, By Len Penzo.

Speaking of podcast, Lance at Money, Life and More also mentioned the show and his appearance in his Personal Finance Round Up, Mentions, and Carnivals #37.

 

Contests! We’ve Got Your Contests Right Here!

 

Our $100 contest ends soon. You should get in on the fun while it’s still open.

We’ll have a $1,000 contest coming this weekend (look for it Sunday here).

I received your emails about Diary posts. Keep them coming! I’m reading them all and hopefully will be able to respond to some this weekend. New Diary posts hopefully coming next week….

 

Adorable Cat Photo: DidByGraham

Average Joe’s Friday Sing Along

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Welcome to our new feature. This will play on sporatic Fridays (read: whenever I feel like it).

Thanks for all the great emails about the Diary. Like everyone who writes (on the internet or elsewhere), I get frustrated sometimes and it’s great to have a place to just vent, you know? Plus, I like being able to share a few of the “secrets” we’ve learned over the first year of operating this thing, and it’s been fun going back in the time machine and looking at stats from a year ago.

That’s all I’ll say about that topic, because I created the Diary specifically because I knew there were people out there who’d be interested in my rants….but it isn’t the mission of this blog.

This weekend we pick up a new table for our dining room. Buying furniture always is a struggle for me. On one hand, I like having nice stuff, but on the other, I don’t want to pay for it. Call me the opposite of the US Government! If I were buying on credit or didn’t have the funds to do it, I’d definitely walk away from the transaction. BUT I do have the money available, we really haven’t spent much on the home this year, and it’s a nice upgrade SO we pulled the trigger.

You know your life is exciting when you spend a paragraph of the blog writing about your new table. Par-tay.

In better news, five minutes from now a good friend is picking me up to fly in his new plane to Dallas to watch our kids swim. I’ll post pictures on Twitter and Facebook.

Let’s get on with the show:

 

Some Wonderful Reading

 

Let’s start with Glen at Monster Piggy Bank. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with Glen. I called him “Crazy Man” one time and he questioned what that was about….then he gets all crazy with the tattoos and work posts. Of course he’s Crazy Man! Do you think people should be discriminated against at work because they have a visible tatoo? Check out the post.

There’s major congratulations in order. Kim at Eyes on the Dollar has knocked out $30k in debt. Momma said KNOCK YOU OUT!

While we’re talking congrats, Holly at Club Thrifty will now post twice monthly at Get Rich Slowly. Hey, Holly, when you’re a huge star, don’t forget us little people.

In my favorite travel journal, Reach Financial Independence, Pauline tells an awesome story about helping her employee get a new bike…and then decide that he isn’t that crazy about paying it off.

Mrs. PoP from Planting Our Pennies wins my award for Best Analytical Post of this list (an incredibly prestigious award). Check out how she turns discounted cash flow into numbers porn for us financial geeks.

Sam Dogen writes a thoughtful post at Untemplater about whether we should bail out student loan debt. If we decide that’s okay, let me know ahead of time. I have twins starting college in a year and I’ll just finance it all with public funds…..

Speaking of Crazy Man (and a guy who won’t fight me when I call him that…he wears it like a badge) Len Penzo answers the question “Credit or Debit” that’s so popular at retail outlets everywhere.

Finally, if my blogging friends haven’t seen it yet:  My friend Sicorra at Tackling Our Debt gave the gift that keeps on giving (no, not fuzzy dice for the rear view mirror). She handed to bloggers everywhere some awesome tools to help manage their to do list, blogging tasks, advertisements, expenses and calendar.

I have about 30 posts by other authors I thought were fantastic this week, but in the interest of sprinkling a few highlights, that’ll be enough for now. Any more and it’ll be a list too long for you to enjoy.

 

We’re WAY Popular AND Modest

 

Thanks to everyone who tweeted our articles this week. I know I’m not great at the “hey, thanks for the RT!” posts. I don’t know how people find the time to do all the things they SHOULD do for others, get their blog written, hold down a job, and drink a case of beer a week. Sigh. Apparently people rearrange their priorities differently than I do….

Here are a few of the places that featured our writing or who talked about us fondly:

I guest posted at One Cent at a Time. It was about the rock band Rush and goal setting. Apparently that went over people’s head, because the post that I thought was my big winner of the week didn’t garner a ton of comment love. Apparently I’m not yet today’s Tom Sawyer…..

Cil Burke (clearly Dr. Dean’s better half) at the Millionaire Nurse Blog talked about how much fun we had playing board games at Fin Con in her post about surviving family functions. I was sure we were going to see liquid coming out of Len’s nose at one point. Can’t wait for next year to do it again. BTW, if someone wants a family game recommendation for the holidays, feel free to email me. I get tons of questions from family/friends this time of year about what the best option might be…..

Erin at The Dog Ate My Wallet and Kim at Eyes on the Dollar mentioned our post about dining and dashing at Pizza Hut. I love having friends who can reinforce my image as a reprobate…

 

In Closing

 

Thanks again for reading the blog this week! Next week we’ve got an awesome podcast episode on Monday, followed by posts Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.

The Worst Gifts Ever: Crystal Frogs, Re-gifted Candy and More Bad Holiday “Fun”

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While our little half-acre of the internet is called The Free Financial Advisor, sometimes I think people go overboard on the “free” part.

Re-gifting isn’t something I frown on. Two weeks ago we received a bottle of chocolate wine. If I could find a friend who I thought loved that sort of thing, I’d re-gift that baby in a heartbeat. They’d be happy in their alcohol and chocolate stupor, and I’d get that little slice of counter space back. Win-win.

In some ways, I agree wholeheartedly with Greg at Control Your Cash. Giving “stuff” at the holidays is silly, and the older I get, the sillier it seems. Creative re-gifting to “fit in” this holiday season could help some budget-tight families make it through this period without falling into debt. But re-gifting just to unload used stuff to someone who clearly isn’t in the market for an item is ridiculous.

Regift away, but make it thoughtful, people.

In early November we shared OG’s Halloween experience on the podcast and on Facebook. It seems that someone, unhappy with their choice of candy gifts during an earlier holiday, gave OG’s son this little beauty for Halloween.

Not only does OG NOT have a girl….it also isn’t Valentine’s Day, and hasn’t been for about roughly eight months. Luckily, Fun Dip will survive a nuclear winter, so what’s a half-year to a bag of sugar?

Let’s continue the fun. What are your worst gifts ever….re-gifted or not?

 

My 3 Worst Gifts

 

3)

Cheryl’s sister used to brag about their income level (“Lou makes so much money….but how can you live on $400k per year?”). She’s gotten better recently, but that doesn’t stop us from chuckling about it every six or seven seconds. A few years ago, during the height of her “monetary influx discourse,” she gifted me a book about the Enron fiasco, something that she thought I’d love as a money geek. She was right on the money, and I told her. She said, “Yeah, when Lou (husband’s name changed to protect the guilty) read the book, he thought you’d really like it.” As I flipped through it, pages was dog eared and some food stains marked several pages. That’s when I realized that Lou hadn’t liked “that title.” He’d liked “that actual copy of the book and now that he’s read it, we’re gifting it to you for the holidays….because how many books can you buy on $400k?” Don’t get me wrong: this is #3 NOT because it’s a used book, but because it was a used book passed off as a new one by someone who brags about how much income they make.

2)

The second culprit wasn’t gifted to me exactly, but to Cheryl. While I’m a Catholic boy, my wife is from a Jewish family. That makes Christmas travel easy: I win. That also means her family gets Thanksgiving every year. No family battles for the Saul-Sehys. Initially it made for some funny moments when my well-meaning mom tried to do the right thing. One year, early in our marriage, she decided–in an effort to show no favoritism–to give both sister-in-laws the exact same gift. Christmas morning, after the stocking were emptied and we’d moved on to the gifts, she laid huge boxes out in front of Cheryl and my sister-in-law (a different one than above), with instructions to open them at the same time. I feel bad remembering this, because she was clearly excited as they opened the boxes.

In front of both women was a beautiful hand-made ceramic Nativity scene.

Cheryl stared at it. Nothing says “welcome to our Christian family” to a Jewish girl like a Nativity scene.

The room was super-duper quiet. Finally my dad, sitting in the corner, said, “I told you it was a bad idea.”

We laughed about that one out loud then, and for years after. I still feel bad for my mom, but she’s given us so much over the years, you knew she wasn’t going to be right on every call. God knows I haven’t.

1)

This one is truly bizarre. Some gifts were mixed up at our wedding as they were transported back to my apartment. The next day we worked through them all. For the most part, they were easy to figure out. Only Uncle Stan would have gotten us those German beer steins. At the bottom of the pile, after all the gifts had been assigned, was a beautiful crystal (wait for it…….):   frog.

It’s a nice enough frog, but the gift raises a few questions. Who the hell looks at me and says, “You know what would be perfect for Joe? Two words: Crystal. Frog.” I have difficulty imagining someone walking through a department store, searching for that special wedding gift, thinking, “Hmm….salad chopper. No. Pillows. No. Knife set. Nah. Oh, check this out. A crystal frog! Perfect.”

The Funnest Part

Honestly, today’s post was less about me sharing, as it was me being curious about what you’ve received. I can’t wait to check out the comments to hear some amazing “worst gift” stories. Step it up below:

Read More:

What Is a Speakeasy? 5 Common Questions and Answers

Is This Starbucks Gift Card Over the Top? How Much is Too Much?

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I couldn’t believe what I was reading, “Starbucks to roll out $450 gift card” courtesy of USA Today.  

For real?  I felt like the guys from ESPN’s Monday Night Football broadcast crew, “C’mon, man!”

If you didn’t see the story:  Apparently a $7 cup of coffee isn’t good enough, so they’re now selling a gift card made completely of steel (just like your stomach must be to drink their coffee) for $450.  The good news is that it comes pre-loaded with $400 in credits, so it’s really only a $50 card with $400 of coffee on it, but still.  My question is: Is this too much?  Has Starbucks finally gone overboard?  What purpose does this serve?  What’s wrong with the iPhone app?  It works the same!

Of course, being an investigative journalist for this burgeoning website, I decided to research deeper.  Apparently, this card is only going to be available on the website Gilt.com.  What is Gilt? It’s a smorgasbord of $85,000 watches and $1,500 pairs of shoes.  You know…just in case your Timex ever runs out of batteries.  And there are no other batteries available.  Anywhere.  Ever again.

Do I have you sufficiently fired up?  Are  you tired of this all-you-can-eat-and-then-eat-some-more-until-you’re-utterly-exhausted-type of consumerism?  Have you had enough?

Me neither.

I absolutely love it.  I think it’s the worlds most awesome thing that people exist who buy $450 Starbucks cards and $1,500 loafers.  I’m so happy that those people have a heartbeat.  I’m not personally overly materialistic, but I do have some nice things and I have things on my “wish list” that someday I’d like to buy.  On the very top of that list is a red Ferrari.  I just think it would be cool.  And no, I’ve never driven one.  Someday?  We’ll see.

I love the fact that we’re able to make our own buying choices, and for the most part, must pay the consequences of those actions (except the federal, state, and local governments.  Don’t get me started).  Consumer spending counts for nearly 70% of our GDP.  I say: the more the merrier.  I hope they sell out of those cards.  They’re only making 5,000 of them, so by my math that’s $2,000,000 of pre-bought coffee.

That’s a whole lot of no-whip peppermint mocha lattes.

My Favorite Christmas Moment–Learning the Value of Exercise

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Christmas eve.

You’d think my story would be about shopping or a family get together. Those have been nice (I tell an endearing story on today’s podcast). This one trumps them all, though.

We had a family….er….tradition. My dad would march my brother and I (this particular year we were ages 10 and 7) to the stores to get something for Mom on Christmas eve. Traditionally, stores would close at noon. Shelves were in disarray. Weeks of holiday specials created mixed bins of heaped colors and shapes. Every year we’d scavenge through holiday bins, looking for the right gift.

Let’s talk definitions. “Right gift” didn’t mean something perfect that my mom would absolutely love. Buying a gift with my dad was never about “Will mom think this is just perfect?”

It was more: “Do you think she’d be offended if we bought her a toaster?”

Shopping with my dad was a “How the hell do we get out of this mall” adventure.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I? One year we barely made it to the store on time to buy my mom a gift at all. That’s because we decided to grab lunch first AND JCPenny that year decided to stay open until 2 pm….but let’s just tell the story.

 

The Story

 

To kick off our Christmas Eve “The Great Mom’s Gift Hunt,” my dad took us to Pizza Hut. We didn’t eat at restaurants a ton when I was a kid, so every time was special…and Pizza Hut with my dad equaled supreme awesome.

I barely remember the lunch. I’m sure we had the same sort of meal as always when mom wasn’t around…three guys stuffing themselves as full as possible. My brother would then open his mouth to show us his half-eaten lunch. My dad would scold him because we didn’t do that in our family. “Just eat it, already.”

My dad has always had a strong work ethic and is a straight shooter. While he didn’t talk a ton (I’ve made up for his lack of vocal effort), when he did, you listened. That’s because, while a horrible shopper, my dad valued relationships, honesty and hard work. I remember my dad’s retirement party as person after person walked up to me and told stories about what a big affect my old man had on their life.

But enough mulling over my dad. I have a story to tell, and after the meal was the interesting part.

The woman brought the bill as my dad was listening to my brother and I argue. I know I didn’t notice as he leaned toward one side to grab his wallet, then leaned to the other side. I do remember that my dad, a quiet guy already, became really still.

Then you could see an idea light up his face. It’s like the time you first figure out the little secret to something, like how the toilet lever works. Maybe you’ve figured out how to arrange landscaping, fix your bicycle, or sprung upon how to make the fish tank work. THAT “aha!” look.

Whatever it was, I remember The Look.

 

He Leaned Forward

 

“Okay, Tony. Here’s what I need you to do. Go into the bathroom and count to ten. Then go out to the car.”

Tony’s face contorted. “Why?”

“Don’t ask questions. Just go to the bathroom, count to ten, then walk out and get in the car.”

My dad and I watched as Tony, bewildered, headed for the bathroom. A few minutes later, he walked out to the car. We could see him open the door and jump into the back seat.

Clearly, in my mind, Tony had said something in our arguing to upset my dad. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I was glad he was getting in trouble and not me. I was about to bite into the pizza crust on my plate when my dad leveled his jaw toward me.

“Okay, Joe. Go to the bathroom and count to ten. Then walk out to the car and get in.”

What the heck? I thought Tony was getting it, not me!

“Just do it. Hurry up.”

I stood up and walked into the bathroom. Then I counted to ten. If I’d been older I might have wondered if my dad was losing it.

Was I in trouble? Maybe there was something I’d done to upset him?

I walked out to the car and sat in the back seat next to Tony.

“Why are you out here?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Dad told me to go in the bathroom and then come out with you.”

Tony shifted toward the door. “I don’t want to be out here. I’m gonna get out and see–“

“Wait!” I pulled at my brother before he could open the door.

My dad was hustling out of the restaurant, face beet red and his car key in hand.

I couldn’t believe it. He got in the car and drove away. About a mile down the road he giggled (and my dad wasn’t a giggler).

“I forgot my wallet.”

Holy moley. My dad, the respected do-gooder in our town, had just dined and dashed on Christmas Eve.

We went home and retrieved the wallet from his dresser and still made it to JCPenny before they closed.

…and if you’re wondering, no, my mom wasn’t offended by the bath robe we picked out.

Epilogue: My dad gets embarrassed when I tell that story, so I’ll tell you the real ending. While all of the above is true, he felt so bad about it that later he went back and paid, explaining the whole thing. Luckily, because he told the manager everything, nothing happened to him (no police, etc.). That’s totally my dad, too. He hasn’t always made the right decisions, but when he made a bad one, he’s always been the first to go back and make it right.

…either way, I still think my dad should have exercised more if he was going to try a 40 meter sprint out of the Pizza Hut.

Looking for less devious stories of Christmas past? Check out Sicorra’s Christmas post mini carnival today at Tackling Our Debt.

Photo: Victor Solanoy

 

Looking for more stories of Joe & his family not quite getting it right?

Try You Have No Idea What I Paid For This Room, There’s Something Wrong With The Car or I Miss Checkbooks.

Meet Me: Average Joe

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Today I’m going to finally do something I’ve wanted to do for a long, long time. I’m going to tell you who I am.

I’m not good at this. While it’s fun writing stories that include snippets of my life, penning a piece all about me me me me me me me me me isn’t.

Don’t get me wrong: the internet doesn’t care about me (although it truly breaks my heart….). This post won’t change the world. It’s just good to be me on this blog.

 

Why did I blog anonymously in the past?

 

Some people blog anonymously for good reasons. They don’t want family to know who they are or they’re worried their boss might start reading. Anonymity frees them up to say things they otherwise wouldn’t say.

Being anonymous for them is security.

For me it’s different. I’ve lived in the public eye for a long time, with my blog or otherwise, I’ve had a contractual obligation not to enter a financial arena as myself. That’s all changed now. That obligation is over. Different than many, I’d prefer to write as myself.

So, here it is: AverageJoe is Joe Saul-Sehy

Wow. I know. You had no idea who I was and still don’t.

Here’s a picture of me then:

Joe Channel 7

Handsome, huh?

I was one of a few people (12 to my knowledge) who spoke on behalf of the company I was associated with in the national media. It was a big national firm. This photo is from a gig I held for 9 years: I was Detroit’s Channel 7 WXYZ “Money Man,” appearing twice weekly on the news talking about (shocker!) money.

As part of my media job, I’ve been quoted on WSJ.com, in Brides Magazine, Child Magazine, Best Life Magazine, The Los Angeles Times, Chicago Sun Times, Baltimore Sun, Detroit News, Detroit Free Press and others. I hosted a radio show on local Detroit radio for awhile on a barely-listened-to channel.

It was fun.

Blogging anonymously didn’t stop me from telling you about who I am. I told you that I ran track and cross country for The Citadel, the Military College of South Carolina. Many people have “glory days” stories. I was the guy who accidently pulled off his shorts in front of a large crowd of people.

I mentioned that I’m originally from a small town in west Michigan called Vicksburg. That’s why I had no idea how hotel charges worked on a “big date” and didn’t know the dress code when looking for a theater.

Networking didn’t go well all the time, either.

I have twins that are going to graduate from high school in the spring. They’re great students but also do a hell of a job driving a car on top of a mailbox.

If you’d like more of my story, check out why I left financial planning.

Here’s a picture of me now, hard at work entertaining you:

Joe at work

I’d love to tell you more about me me me me me me, but I think I’ll continue to do it in the context of pieces I write. Just like you’re a multi-faceted person, so am I. Because I can’t fit it all in here, I think we’ll stop for today.

What I loved about blogging anonymously:

It was a really tough task trying to build credibility based on writing quality alone….without my name, experience and credentials. It was humbling a year ago to write stuff and hope that 20 people would read it after speaking to huge audiences when I’d give speeches at Chrysler, Microsoft or other local companies. Having to build an identity based on solid facts and hard work while establishing a new trust in a guy named AverageJoe was a richly rewarding experience.

In closing this sappy me me me me me post, thanks for reading my stuff. I’m still humbled by the number of people that stop here every day. It’s the biggest part of what makes writing this so rewarding.

Taking a Body to the Morgue: A (Surprisingly) Bad First Day Of Work

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Let’s spend a day discussing making money. Here’s how your first day probably shouldn’t go….

My friend Marcus’ mother was ecstatic when she landed a job an orderly job at the hospital. What a dream come true. Sure, she’d have to pay her dues and work the midnight shift, but so what? Before long, she’d move to the day shift and then up to supervisor. Before her first day, in her mind, she was sure someday they’d tell her to run that whole facility.

She showed up early the first night of work, she was so excited.

The job seemed easy. After some instructions from her boss, she was left on her own to do her duties. Her mind was filled with all the money she’d be bringing home. Things were looking up.

A hospital is a quiet place after midnight. The hallways are empty. This helped her think. In fact, she was liking how fairly uninterrupted her thoughts were—so much so  that she was even reconsidering moving to the day shift when she got the chance. Four hours into the night, this was shaping up to be a dream job.

–until her boss caught up to her.

 

The 8th Floor

 

“I need you to go upstairs to the 8th floor, room 814. They need someone right now.”

Sure thing, boss. No problem.

She went to the 8th floor, barely noticing that this was the ICU. Walking along the hallway, her thoughts were so full of credit card bills and upcoming holiday expenses, that she didn’t notice anything until she turned the corner into room 814.

There was a bed. A sheet covered a body.

Completely.

The nurse smiled at Marcus’ mom. “There you are! I need you to take this to the morgue.”

Morgue?

The nurse was too busy flipping the locks off the wheels on the bed to notice that Marcus’ mom was frozen. Morgue?

That wasn’t part of the job.

The nurse was talking again. “Okay, it’s ready.”

As she walked out of the room, Marcus’ mom asked, “Where is the morgue?”

The nurse smiled again. “The basement. East elevator. All the way to the bottom.”

To the bottom.

Marcus told me his mom couldn’t get these words out of her head as she began wheeling the bed and dead body to the elevator.

All the way.

To the bottom.

The morgue.

 

Elevator To The Bottom

 

It was 2:45 a.m. when the elevator doors opened, inviting her in to the tiny compartment. She didn’t want to go. Would you? Ride on an elevator with a dead body? No thanks. The bed rumbled across the metal strips and into the claustrophobic compartment. As the doors closed, she couldn’t breathe.

I’m in an elevator with a corpse. She eyed the sheet. This is always the part of the movie where the orderly dies, she thought.

It was so ridiculous, Marcus told me, she started laughing.

How silly. It’s a dead body, not a zombie. What’s going to happen? What possibly could happen?

The elevator doors opened ahead of her onto a long, downward sloping corridor, which ended at a set of swinging doors.

The morgue.

She walked around to the far side of the bed and began to push.

The bed hit the elevator rumble strip and shook the mattress.

Marcus’ mom heard a belching sound. The body sat up and the sheet fell away.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Marcus’ mom shrieked.  The dead woman, eyes closed, sat straight up and seemed to stare through closed eyelids at her.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Marcus’ mom let go. Because of the slope, the bed began rolling down the corridor. The dead woman stared straight ahead as the thing picked up steam and rumbled down the hall.

Marcus’ mom got back on the elevator and pressed the “Lobby” button.

As the doors closed, she watched the bed roll through the swinging doors.

When the door opened at the lobby, his mom threw her badge at the security guard, walked out of the building, and never came back to work again. Total time worked: just over half a shift.

 

That’s my true Halloween story. What’s yours?

What Do You Want To Be?

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Having a hard time sticking with your goals lately? How long has it been since you’ve re-evaluated your path?

There’s a place for money, but you might need to re-think your priorities.

Are you chasing the right goals?

 

 

What do you REALLY want to do?

How Do You Stay Inspired?

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It seems like it should be a simple thing, inspiration. Especially when it comes to money, you know what you want. You know why you want it. But sometimes there’s an invisible fence holding you back, like your neighbor’s dog.

Sound familiar?

Over my career, I’ve felt completely drained and uninspired countless times. I’ll be  sitting in front of a client’s financial paperwork and I just don’t want to look at it…or I’m sitting with an empty page in front of me and nothing comes to mind to write.

I used to worry about this. A piece of me thought of inspiration as a nectar and somehow I’d drained all that I’d been allotted. What I’ve learned is that it’s exactly the opposite:

As I go to the well more often, there’s another layer of good stuff.

How did I learn this? Partly from reading. David Allen (Getting Things Done) comes to mind, as someone who believes that as you clear away the small tasks you open your mind for much bigger concerns.

The rest I’ve learned from time in the trenches. I’ve always been a high achiever. When everyone else is stopping for the day, I’m going back for more. How?

Here are five things I think about to stay inspired:

1) I don’t have to finish the next task, I just have to start it. The act of starting is usually enough to get me rolling through to completion.

2) Just puke something out and clean it up later. Having SOMETHING to work with is better than the blank screen/no notes situation.

3) Make the phone call and it’ll come to you. I hate calling people and asking favors. But if the phone is ringing, my mood completely changes and I figure out a way to make it a successful call.

4) Think about Friday and work harder today so there’s less to do then. I hate working long hours on Friday. If I bust my butt now I can decide on Friday whether I play around or spend extra time.

5) Take a break with a timer. I’ll get burnt out from focusing too hard. If I don’t set a timer on work and spend some time at play, I find that every few weeks I need a complete mental break. I used to avoid breaks because I didn’t think I deserved them. Let’s be clear: I don’t deserve them. I NEED them to keep moving toward my objective. It’s a marathon. I also use the timer for breaks. Once I start playing I rarely want to get back to work. The timer works both ways.

Those are my five. I’m sure you have more. Let’s have some weekend fun: What do you use to stay motivated and inspired?

Photo credit: xJason.Rogersx