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Think You Have High Self-Esteem? Not If You Put Up With These 5 Things

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Self-esteem is not just about feeling good in the moment. It is about knowing your worth and setting boundaries that reflect that. Many people think they have high self-esteem because they feel confident on the surface, but what they tolerate from others often tells a different story.

Accepting certain behaviors, even when they seem small, can be a sign that you do not value yourself as much as you should. If you allow these five things in your life, it may be time to take a deeper look at your self-worth and start making changes.

Constant Disrespect

Disrespect does not always come in obvious forms. Sometimes it is subtle, like someone repeatedly interrupting you, dismissing your opinions, or making jokes at your expense. Other times, it is more blatant, like being talked down to, ignored, or treated as if your feelings do not matter.

If you let people constantly disrespect you without speaking up, it may be a sign that you do not believe you deserve better. High self-esteem means standing firm and making it clear that you expect to be treated with respect. The way others treat you is often a reflection of what you are willing to tolerate.

Always Being the One to Apologize

Taking responsibility for mistakes is a sign of maturity, but if you find yourself apologizing just to keep the peace—even when you did nothing wrong—it may be a red flag. Some people take advantage of those who are always willing to smooth things over, making them feel guilty for things that are not their fault.

Constantly apologizing can come from a fear of conflict or a desire to be liked. But when you allow others to place blame on you unfairly, it weakens your sense of self-worth. Having high self-esteem means recognizing when an apology is necessary and when it is not.

Feeling Guilty for Setting Boundaries

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People with low self-esteem often struggle with saying no. They feel guilty for turning down requests, even when those requests are unreasonable. They allow others to take advantage of their time, energy, and kindness because they fear being seen as selfish.

Setting boundaries is not about being difficult—it is about knowing your limits and respecting your own needs. If you constantly put others before yourself at the expense of your well-being, it is time to reevaluate how much you truly value yourself. High self-esteem means recognizing that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s.

Accepting Half-Hearted Relationships

Relationships should be built on mutual respect, effort, and care. If you find yourself in friendships, family dynamics, or romantic relationships where you are the only one putting in effort, it may be a sign that you do not believe you deserve better.

Many people stay in one-sided relationships because they fear being alone or think they cannot do any better. But when you allow people to give you only the bare minimum, you reinforce the idea that your time and emotional investment are not valuable. High self-esteem means expecting and demanding effort from the people who claim to care about you.

Tolerating Criticism Disguised as Advice

Constructive criticism can be helpful, but there is a difference between advice meant to uplift and words designed to tear you down. Some people hide their insults behind so-called honesty, making comments about your appearance, choices, or abilities that make you feel small.

If you find yourself constantly justifying someone’s harsh words because they are “just trying to help,” you may be allowing toxic criticism to shape your self-image. People with high self-esteem surround themselves with those who offer encouragement, not those who chip away at their confidence under the guise of advice.

How to Stop Accepting Less Than You Deserve

Recognizing the ways you may be undermining your own self-worth is the first step toward change. Learning to set boundaries, demand respect, and walk away from unhealthy relationships takes practice, but it is necessary for building true confidence.

Your self-esteem is reflected in what you allow in your life. If any of these behaviors sound familiar, it may be time to reassess how you see yourself and make the changes needed to protect your well-being.

Have you ever realized you were accepting less than you deserved? What helped you change? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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9 Ways Growing Up in a Competitive Family Messed With Your Head

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Some families encourage their kids to do their best. Others make winning the only acceptable outcome. If you grew up in a household where everything—from grades to sports to who could get to the car first—felt like a competition, you probably still feel the effects today.

Competitive families push their children to succeed, but they also create an environment where self-worth is tied to achievement. Even if you’ve moved on from that atmosphere, the impact doesn’t just disappear. Here are nine ways growing up in a highly competitive family may have shaped your mindset—sometimes for the worse.

1. You Struggle to Feel Good About Your Achievements

No matter how much you accomplish, it never feels like enough. When you were a kid, your best was only celebrated for a brief moment—until the next challenge was thrown at you. Maybe you came home with straight A’s, only to hear, “Why wasn’t it A+?” Or you won a competition, only to be told, “Next time, aim for a bigger prize.”

As an adult, this translates to a constant need to prove yourself. You might downplay your accomplishments, feel guilty about celebrating wins, or immediately set another goal because resting feels like failure.

2. You Have a Hard Time Enjoying Things “Just for Fun”

In a competitive family, hobbies weren’t just for fun—they were another way to prove yourself. If you wanted to take dance lessons, you had to be the best in the class. If you played a sport, you had to win. Simply enjoying an activity without measuring success wasn’t an option.

Now, you might struggle with relaxing hobbies. If you try something new and aren’t immediately great at it, you get frustrated and lose interest. The idea of doing something just because you enjoy it feels foreign.

3. You Compare Yourself to Others Constantly

Growing up in a competitive household meant being compared to siblings, classmates, or even random people your parents admired. Whether it was academics, sports, or personal achievements, someone was always doing “better,” and you had to catch up.

Now, even when you’re doing well, you can’t help but look at others and feel like you’re falling behind. You measure your success based on what others have accomplished, making it hard to feel satisfied with your own progress.

4. Losing Feels Like a Personal Failure

When competition was a way of life, losing wasn’t just a setback—it was a reflection of your worth. You might have been taught that second place was just “first loser” or that making a mistake meant you weren’t trying hard enough.

This mindset can make failure feel unbearable as an adult. Whether it’s missing a promotion, failing at a new hobby, or making a mistake at work, you take losses personally. Instead of seeing them as part of growth, you see them as proof that you’re not good enough.

5. You Struggle with Teamwork

In a competitive family, teamwork was often replaced by rivalry. If you had siblings, you were probably pitted against them. Maybe your parents encouraged comparisons—who was smarter, more athletic, or more talented? Instead of working together, you were taught to outshine each other.

Now, collaboration might feel unnatural. You might feel uncomfortable sharing credit, struggle with group projects, or find yourself secretly resenting teammates—even when they’re on your side.

6. You Have a Hard Time Accepting Help

When competition was everything, asking for help was seen as a weakness. If you admitted you needed help, it meant you weren’t capable enough. As a kid, you might have been told to “figure it out yourself” or that struggling was a sign of laziness.

As an adult, this can make it hard to reach out when you need support. You might push yourself to the breaking point before admitting you need help, fearing that doing so makes you seem incompetent.

7. Rest Feels Like Wasted Time

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In a high-pressure, competitive household, being idle wasn’t an option. If you weren’t actively improving, practicing, or preparing for the next challenge, you were seen as lazy. You might have been constantly reminded that “someone out there is working harder than you.”

Now, you struggle to relax without feeling guilty. Even on vacation, you find ways to be productive. Rest feels like time wasted, and you might even judge others who seem too comfortable with doing nothing.

8. You Struggle with Perfectionism

Perfectionism is common in people raised in competitive families. If you grew up believing that anything less than the best wasn’t good enough, you might still hold yourself to impossible standards.

This can lead to overworking, fear of failure, and a constant feeling that you’re not doing enough. Even when you succeed, you might find flaws in your performance and convince yourself it could have been better.

9. You Tie Your Self-Worth to Your Achievements

Perhaps the biggest impact of growing up in a competitive family is the belief that your value is based on what you accomplish. Praise was given for winning, achieving, and excelling—not for simply being yourself.

As an adult, this mindset makes it hard to separate your self-worth from your success. If you’re not achieving, you might feel like you don’t deserve recognition or even happiness. This can lead to burnout, anxiety, and an endless cycle of chasing success without ever feeling fulfilled.

Breaking Free from the Competition Mindset

Growing up in a competitive family teaches discipline, resilience, and ambition—but it can also leave lasting scars. If you recognize yourself in these behaviors, the good news is that it’s possible to unlearn them. Learning to appreciate your achievements, enjoy hobbies without pressure, and separate your worth from success can help break the cycle.

Did you grow up in a competitive family? How has it shaped your mindset as an adult? Share your experiences in the comments below.

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Rich but Restless: The Unexpected Downsides of Financial Independence

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Achieving financial independence is a milestone many aspire to, envisioning a life free from monetary constraints and filled with endless possibilities. However, as some reach this coveted status, they encounter unforeseen challenges that can lead to restlessness and dissatisfaction. Let’s delve into the unexpected downsides of financial independence and explore strategies to navigate them.

The Paradox of Choice

Financial freedom often expands the array of choices available, from career paths to lifestyle decisions. While having options is advantageous, an overabundance can lead to decision paralysis and anxiety. The pressure to make the “perfect” choice can be overwhelming, causing stress rather than satisfaction. It’s essential to recognize that not every decision will be flawless, and embracing flexibility can alleviate the burden of perfection. Prioritizing decisions that align with personal values and long-term goals can provide clarity amidst numerous options.

Loss of Purpose and Structure

Work often provides a sense of purpose and daily structure. Upon achieving financial independence, stepping away from traditional employment can lead to a void in routine and identity. This absence can result in feelings of aimlessness and decreased self-worth. To combat this, it’s crucial to engage in activities that offer meaning, such as volunteering, pursuing hobbies, or starting new projects. Establishing a daily routine, even without formal work, can maintain a sense of order and purpose.

Social Isolation

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Career environments facilitate social interactions and a sense of community. Leaving the workforce may inadvertently reduce social engagement, leading to isolation. Maintaining and building social connections outside of work is vital for mental well-being. Joining clubs, attending community events, or participating in group activities can foster new relationships and support networks. Prioritizing regular social interactions helps mitigate feelings of loneliness.

Identity and Self-Worth Challenges

Societal norms often tie self-worth to professional achievements and income. Detaching from this mindset after attaining financial independence can be challenging, leading to identity crises. It’s important to redefine personal worth beyond financial and professional metrics. Engaging in self-reflection, exploring new interests, and setting non-financial goals can aid in reshaping one’s identity. Recognizing intrinsic values and contributions fosters a healthier self-perception.

Fear of Financial Loss

Ironically, achieving financial independence can heighten anxiety about losing wealth. This fear may stem from market volatility, unexpected expenses, or economic downturns. Such concerns can lead to excessive frugality or risk-averse behaviors, limiting the enjoyment of financial freedom. Developing a comprehensive financial plan that includes emergency funds, diversified investments, and regular financial reviews can provide reassurance. Consulting with financial advisors can also offer professional guidance to navigate uncertainties.

Pressure from Others

Wealth can attract unsolicited advice, requests for financial assistance, or expectations from family and friends. Navigating these pressures requires setting clear boundaries and communicating them effectively. It’s essential to assess requests objectively and make decisions aligned with personal values and financial plans. Learning to say no when necessary preserves financial health and personal relationships. Transparency about one’s financial boundaries can prevent misunderstandings and undue stress.

Diminished Motivation

For some, the drive to achieve financial independence is a primary motivator. Once attained, a lack of new goals can lead to complacency or boredom. Continuously setting and pursuing new objectives, whether financial, personal, or professional, is key to sustained fulfillment. Exploring new passions, learning opportunities, or entrepreneurial ventures can reignite motivation. Haring a growth mindset encourages ongoing personal development.

Managing Sudden Wealth Syndrome

Sudden acquisition of wealth can lead to psychological challenges, commonly referred to as “sudden wealth syndrome.” Symptoms include isolation, paranoia, guilt, and uncertainty. Recognizing these feelings and seeking professional support, such as therapy or counseling, can aid in adjusting to the new financial reality. Building a trusted team of financial and mental health professionals provides a support system to navigate the complexities of sudden wealth. Open discussions about emotions related to wealth can alleviate psychological burdens.

The Myth of Complete Freedom

While financial independence offers greater flexibility, it doesn’t eliminate all constraints or challenges. Life continues to present unforeseen events, responsibilities, and limitations. Acknowledging this reality fosters a balanced perspective and reduces potential disappointments. Embracing adaptability and resilience equips individuals to handle life’s unpredictabilities. Understanding that financial independence is a tool, not a panacea, encourages a realistic outlook.

No Cure-All

While it’s great to be financially free of worry, it’s not a cure-all for life’s complexities. Recognizing and addressing the potential downsides can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life. Reflect on your own experiences or those of others and seek a happy balanced life. While money can’t fix everything, it can provide you with a level of carefree living that most people will never see.

How has financial independence impacted your sense of purpose and well-being? Let us know in the comments below.

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10 Signs You’re Actually Having A Harder Time Than Most Americans

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In today’s economy, many people experience financial difficulties, job instability, and rising costs of living. However, if you find yourself constantly struggling with basic needs, mounting debt, or deteriorating mental health, you may be facing more significant challenges than most Americans. Recognizing these warning signs can help you take proactive steps toward finding solutions. Here are 10 indicators that suggest you’re having a harder time than the average person.

1. Your Paycheck Is Gone Before the Month Ends

Earning a paycheck should provide financial stability, but if your money disappears before the month is over, you may be struggling more than the average American. Living paycheck to paycheck is common, but when you’re constantly choosing between paying rent, utilities, or groceries, it’s a sign of deeper financial distress.

A 2024 report revealed that nearly 60% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, yet many still manage to save or cover emergencies. If you have no buffer and every dollar is spent the moment it comes in, it’s time to assess your spending, explore ways to boost income, or seek financial assistance programs that can help you break the cycle.

2. Escalating Debt Levels with No End in Sight

Debt is a common issue, but if your balances keep growing while your payments barely make a dent, you’re in a financially dangerous cycle. In 2024, Americans collectively held over $1.2 trillion in credit card debt, with interest rates at record highs.

If you find yourself using credit cards to cover everyday expenses because your paycheck doesn’t stretch far enough, it’s a sign that your financial struggles are more severe. Without intervention, mounting debt can lead to collection calls, wage garnishments, and long-term financial damage. Seeking debt consolidation options or financial counseling can help you regain control.

3. Inability to Cover Unexpected Expenses

If an unexpected expense would force you to take out a loan, max out your credit card, or borrow from family, you’re financially overextended. Recent reports indicate that nearly 23% of Americans have past-due medical bills because they simply couldn’t afford the costs upfront.

The inability to absorb even small financial shocks is a sign that you’re struggling more than the average American. Finding ways to build even a small emergency fund—by automating savings or cutting small luxuries—can help you feel more secure.

4. Declining Mental Health Due to Financial Stress

When money troubles dominate your thoughts, leading to sleepless nights, anxiety, or depression, it’s more than just a rough patch—it’s a serious concern. A 2024 survey revealed that 43% of U.S. adults reported higher anxiety levels compared to the previous year, with financial worries being a top stressor.

Chronic stress over bills, debt, or job insecurity can impact physical health, relationships, and overall well-being. If financial stress is taking a toll on your mental health, seeking support from a therapist or financial advisor can help you develop coping strategies and solutions.

5. Struggling to Maintain Stable Employment

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Job insecurity or chronic underemployment can be a significant indicator that you’re struggling more than most Americans. While the U.S. economy grew in 2024, many individuals still face layoffs, reduced hours, or jobs that don’t pay a livable wage.

If you’ve been stuck in a cycle of unstable jobs with little career growth, it may be time to explore new opportunities, skill-building programs, or alternative income streams. Long-term unemployment or stagnant wages can make it nearly impossible to get ahead financially.

6. Housing Instability and the Fear of Eviction

Housing costs have skyrocketed, leaving many Americans struggling to keep a roof over their heads. If you’re behind on rent, facing eviction, or living with family because you can’t afford your own place, you’re in a more precarious position than most. The number of unhoused individuals in the U.S. has increased significantly, with rising rental prices being a major factor. Affordable housing programs, rent assistance, or budgeting for a lower-cost living arrangement could help stabilize your situation.

7. Avoiding Medical Care Due to High Costs

Skipping doctor visits, ignoring prescriptions, or delaying medical care because you can’t afford it is a major sign of financial hardship. Despite healthcare reform, millions of Americans remain uninsured or underinsured. In 2024, 12% of adolescents and nearly 5% of adults reported serious mental health concerns but didn’t seek treatment due to costs. If you find yourself neglecting your health because of financial barriers, researching low-cost clinics, government programs, or employer health benefits may help.

8. Social Isolation Due to Financial Struggles

When money problems make you withdraw from friends and family, it’s a sign that financial stress is impacting more than just your bank account. Social isolation can lead to worsening mental health, depression, and anxiety. Studies show that those facing financial difficulties are more likely to feel disconnected and ashamed, making it harder to ask for help. Finding free or low-cost ways to engage with loved ones can help you maintain social connections while working through financial hardships.

9. Relying on Credit Cards for Everyday Essentials

Using credit cards as a lifeline for groceries, utilities, and rent is a sign that your expenses are outpacing your income. In late 2024, credit card debt surged as Americans struggled with inflation and rising living costs. While credit can be a useful tool when managed properly, relying on it to cover necessities often leads to financial disaster. If you’re only making minimum payments while your balance grows, it’s time to explore debt repayment plans or additional income sources.

10. Feeling Hopeless About Your Financial Future

One of the most significant signs that you’re struggling more than most Americans is the overwhelming belief that things will never improve. If you’ve lost motivation, stopped looking for financial solutions, or feel trapped in your circumstances, it’s crucial to seek help. Financial counseling, community assistance programs, and mental health resources can provide guidance and support. Recognizing the problem is the first step toward reclaiming control and making a plan for a more stable future.

Support Can Make A Difference

Seeking support and exploring financial resources can make a significant difference. If you identify with multiple signs on this list, taking proactive steps—whether through budgeting, side gigs, or professional counseling—can help you move toward stability and relief.

Do you feel like you’re constantly struggling in life, while others are doing well? Have you searched for help? We’d love to hear your story in the comments below.

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The Real Cost of Emotional Spending: How It Affects Your Wallet and Well-being

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Emotional spending, also known as retail therapy, is a common response to stress, sadness, or even boredom. While it might offer temporary relief, the long-term consequences can be detrimental to both your financial health and overall well-being. Understanding the impact of emotional spending is crucial to breaking the cycle and making healthier financial decisions.

The Psychology Behind Emotional Spending

Emotional spending often stems from the desire to alleviate negative feelings or reward oneself. Shopping can trigger the release of dopamine, a feel-good hormone, providing a temporary boost in mood. However, this short-term satisfaction can lead to a habit of using shopping as a coping mechanism, resulting in unnecessary purchases and financial strain.

Financial Consequences of Emotional Spending

One of the most significant impacts of emotional spending is the strain it places on your finances. Unplanned and impulsive purchases can quickly add up, leading to increased credit card debt and depleted savings. Over time, this can hinder your ability to achieve financial goals, such as buying a home, saving for retirement, or creating an emergency fund.

Impact on Mental Health

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While emotional spending might offer a brief sense of relief, it often leads to feelings of guilt, regret, and anxiety. The temporary high is followed by the realization of financial imprudence, which can exacerbate stress and negatively affect mental health. This cycle can create a feedback loop, where negative emotions lead to more spending, further deepening financial and emotional distress.

Identifying Triggers

To manage emotional spending, it’s essential to identify your triggers. Common triggers include stress, loneliness, boredom, and even happiness. By recognizing the situations or emotions that prompt you to spend, you can develop healthier coping strategies and reduce the urge to make impulsive purchases.

Developing Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Replacing emotional spending with healthier coping mechanisms is crucial for long-term well-being. Activities such as exercise, meditation, journaling, or talking to a friend can provide emotional relief without the financial cost. Finding alternative ways to cope with emotions helps break the cycle of using shopping as a source of comfort.

Creating a Budget

Establishing a budget can help you take control of your finances and reduce emotional spending. Allocate funds for essential expenses, savings, and discretionary spending. By setting limits and tracking your spending, you can make more informed financial decisions and avoid impulsive purchases that lead to regret.

Practicing Mindful Spending

Mindful spending involves being intentional and aware of your purchases. Before making a purchase, ask yourself if it’s necessary, if it fits within your budget, and how it will impact your financial goals. Practicing mindfulness can help you make better spending decisions and reduce the tendency to shop for emotional reasons.

Seeking Professional Help

If emotional spending is significantly impacting your finances and well-being, seeking professional help might be beneficial. Financial advisors can provide guidance on managing your money, while therapists can help address the underlying emotional issues driving your spending habits. Combining financial and emotional support can lead to a more balanced and healthy approach to spending.

Building a Support System

Having a support system in place can make it easier to manage emotional spending. Share your financial goals and challenges with trusted friends or family members who can offer encouragement and accountability. Support from others can help you stay focused on your goals and resist the urge to spend impulsively.

Emotional Spending

Emotional spending can have far-reaching effects on both your wallet and your well-being. By understanding the psychological drivers, identifying triggers, and developing healthier coping strategies, you can break the cycle of impulsive spending. Taking control of your finances and emotions not only improves your financial health but also enhances your overall quality of life.

13 Signs You’re Harboring A Victim Mentality That’s Keeping You Down

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People harboring a victim mentality usually believe that nothing ever goes their way and the things that happen to them are out of their control. Because of these skewed beliefs, they may struggle to make positive changes in their life and work towards their goals.

According to BetterUp, past traumatic experiences can cause someone to develop a victim mentality that holds them back. If this sounds similar to your experience, read on to learn 13 signs that you might have a disempowering victim mindset.

1. External Locus Of Control

People harboring a victim mentality tend to have an external locus of control. This means that they believe the course of their life and the outcomes they achieve are determined by forces outside themselves, such as luck and fate. They have a hard time taking accountability and may blame others or negative circumstances if they perform poorly.

2. Negative Outlook

Individuals who view themselves as victims tend to emphasize the negative aspects of their life while downplaying the positive ones. They often dwell on problems and setbacks, which can prevent them from seeking opportunities for growth and solutions. This pessimistic perspective can perpetuate feelings that the world is against them and prevent them from seeing the blessings in their life.

3. Frequent Complaining

People with a victim mentality frequently focus on and complain about the unfair aspects of the world. They tend to surround themselves with other people who reinforce their pessimistic viewpoint, creating a crabs in a bucket dynamic. Although there are inequities in society, fixating on them intensely may not be healthy or productive.

4. Low Self-Esteem

It’s also common for people harboring a victim mentality to have low self-confidence. The belief that nothing is within your control can contribute to a lack of self-efficacy and lead to poor self-esteem.

5. Self-Sabotage

If positive changes occur in their life, people with a victim mentality may start waiting for the other shoe to drop. They tend to believe that their life will always go poorly and fall apart. This pessimism can cause them to unconsciously self-sabotage by passing on or messing up opportunities.

6. Frustration And Anger

Being “mad at the world” is a potential sign that you have a victim mentality holding you down. Feeling frustration or anger at times is normal. However, if you have a perpetual chip on your shoulder and believe people are out to get you, it could be a red flag.

7. You Feel Morally Superior

According to Scientific American, another potential warning sign is that you think you’re morally superior to others. You may believe that the majority of people are evil or bad because of negative experiences you’ve had in the past.

You might also feel as though you treat people with more kindness and respect than you’re given in return. This can cause you to develop a feeling of moral superiority that prevents you from seeing and taking accountability for your own flaws.

8. Fixating On Past Negative Experiences

Getting over painful experiences like job loss or a breakup can be difficult. However, putting too much focus on bad memories might prevent you from moving on and enjoying life now. Living in the past won’t change what happened to you and keeps you stuck in negative thought loops that interrupt your peace.

9. Lack Of Empathy

When you’re hyper-fixated on your own pain, it can be hard to see and acknowledge the pain of others. You may be so wrapped up in your own trauma that you don’t have enough emotional bandwidth left to sympathize with others. Feelings of moral superiority or anger at the world can also limit your empathy when you have a victim mindset.

10. Validation Seeking

Another warning sign is constant validation seeking. People with a victim mentality desperately want others to acknowledge the pain that they’re feeling and injustices they’ve suffered. Your intense need for recognition may also make you more likely to seek revenge against people who have slighted you according to researchers.

11. Negative Self-Talk

People with a victim mindset also frequently engage in negative self-talk. It’s a red flag if you think you’re going to fail at something before you even start or try. When your internal dialogue is overly negative and self-critical, it can hold you back in life and make it harder to pursue your goals.

12. Feelings Of Depression

A perpetual victim mentality can lead to feelings of depression and hopelessness. After all, it’s difficult to be happy when you think nothing will ever go your way. When everything feels pointless, it’s easy to slip into malaise and anhedonia. Talking to a professional about these feelings can help you work through them.

13. Loneliness

Being skeptical of the world and people around you can lead to loneliness and isolation. Having a perpetually negative mentality may push loved ones and friends away, leading to a loss of social support and companionship.

You Can Change Your Mindset

It’s difficult to challenge ingrained thought patterns, especially ones that stem from past negative experiences. However, it’s worth the effort to adopt a more positive mentality.

Living in a victim mindset holds you back and keeps you focused on the negative aspects of life, preventing you from recognizing the beauty and good that exists around you. With help from a supportive therapist, it’s possible to heal any trauma that may have caused you to become pessimistic and adopt more positive self-talk.