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The holidays are a time for family, food, and—let’s be honest—a little bit of stress. Whether you’re newly married or have been part of the family for years, navigating conversations with your in-laws can feel like walking through a minefield. One wrong question can turn a cozy dinner into an awkward silence or a heated debate. That’s why knowing what not to ask your in-laws during the holidays is just as important as knowing what gifts to bring. If you want to keep the peace and enjoy your time together, steer clear of these ten conversation landmines. Your future self (and your spouse) will thank you.
1. How Much Money Do You Make?
Money is notoriously sensitive, especially during the holidays when financial stress is already high. Asking your in-laws about their income can come off as intrusive or even judgmental. According to CNBC, discussing salaries is one of the top social taboos. Instead, focus on shared experiences or holiday traditions—topics that bring people together rather than divide them.
2. When Are You Going to Retire?
Retirement is a deeply personal decision, influenced by health, finances, and personal goals. Pressuring your in-laws about their retirement plans can make them feel judged or anxious about their future. If they want to share their plans, they will. Until then, let them enjoy the present moment without feeling like they’re on a timeline.
3. Why Don’t You Visit Us More Often?
It’s natural to want more family time, but this question can sound accusatory. Your in-laws may have their own commitments, health issues, or simply prefer a quieter lifestyle. Instead of putting them on the spot, express how much you enjoy their company and leave the invitation open for future visits.
4. Are You Still on That Diet?
Food is at the heart of most holiday gatherings, but commenting on someone’s eating habits can be uncomfortable. Whether your in-laws are trying a new diet or have dietary restrictions, avoid drawing attention to it. Respect their choices and offer a variety of options without making it a topic of conversation.
5. When Are You Giving Us Grandchildren?
This is a classic holiday faux pas. Questions about family planning are deeply personal and can be painful for couples struggling with infertility or those who have chosen not to have children. According to Psychology Today, such questions can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety. Let your in-laws share news on their own terms, if and when they’re ready.
6. Who Did You Vote For?
Politics can be a powder keg, especially during family gatherings. Even if you think you know your in-laws’ views, bringing up politics can quickly escalate into an argument. The holidays are a time to focus on what unites you, not what divides you. If the topic comes up, try to steer the conversation toward common ground or shared values.
7. How Much Did That Cost?
Whether it’s a new car, a kitchen remodel, or a fancy vacation, asking about the price tag can make your in-laws uncomfortable. It can come across as nosy or even envious. Instead, compliment their taste or ask about the experience. This keeps the conversation positive and avoids any awkwardness about finances.
8. Why Don’t You Talk to [Other Family Member] Anymore?
Family dynamics can be complicated, and bringing up old conflicts is rarely productive. Asking your in-laws about estranged relatives can reopen wounds or create tension at the table. If they want to discuss family issues, let them. Otherwise, focus on building positive memories together.
9. Are You Feeling, Okay? You Look Tired.
While you may be genuinely concerned, comments about someone’s appearance can be misinterpreted. Your in-laws might feel self-conscious or think you’re criticizing them. If you’re worried about their health, check in privately and offer support without making it public.
10. Can You Lend Us Some Money?
Asking for financial help during the holidays is a surefire way to create tension. Even if your in-laws are generous, this request can make them uncomfortable. If you’re facing financial difficulties, consider seeking advice from a financial advisor or exploring other resources. The holidays should be about connection, not transactions.
Keeping the Holidays Joyful and Drama-Free
Navigating holiday conversations with your in-laws doesn’t have to be stressful. By avoiding these ten questions, you can help create a warm, welcoming atmosphere where everyone feels respected and valued. Remember, the best holiday memories are made when we focus on kindness, understanding, and shared joy. If you’re ever in doubt about a topic, err on the side of caution and choose conversations that bring people together.
What’s the most awkward question you’ve ever been asked at a family gathering? Share your story in the comments below!
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Travis Campbell is a digital marketer/developer with over 10 years of experience and a writer for over 6 years. He holds a degree in E-commerce and likes to share life advice he’s learned over the years. Travis loves spending time on the golf course or at the gym when he’s not working.
