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10 Gen X Parenting Styles That Millennials Are Rejecting

June 19, 2024 by Teri Monroe Leave a Comment

parenting

Generation X approached parenting with a distinct set of values and practices shaped by their own upbringing and the socio-economic climate of their formative years. Often characterized by a focus on discipline, traditional gender roles, and a strong work ethic, Gen X parenting emphasized structure and control. However, as the millennial generation steps into their parenting roles, they are challenging these long-held beliefs and methods. Influenced by technological advancements, increased awareness of mental health, and a desire for greater emotional connection, millennials are redefining what it means to raise children in the modern world. Here are ten Gen X parenting styles that millennials are choosing to leave behind, forging a new path that emphasizes empathy, inclusivity, and balance.

1. Authoritarian Discipline

parenting discipline

Gen X parents often adhered to an authoritarian style, emphasizing strict rules and high expectations with little room for discussion. This approach focused on obedience and discipline, often using punitive measures to enforce rules. Millennials, in contrast, are embracing a more democratic style of parenting, where children’s opinions are valued and open communication is encouraged. They believe in guiding rather than controlling, fostering a sense of mutual respect and understanding.

2. Limited Emotional Expression

mom kissing baby

Gen X parents were often less expressive with their emotions, maintaining a more reserved demeanor. Displays of affection and emotional vulnerability were sometimes viewed as weaknesses. Millennials, however, prioritize emotional openness and regular expressions of love and support. They aim to create a safe emotional space for their children, encouraging them to share their feelings without fear of judgment.

3. Work-Centric Lifestyles

parents picking up child from school

Gen X parents frequently emphasized the importance of a strong work ethic, sometimes at the expense of family time. The pursuit of career advancement often took precedence over spending quality time with children. Millennials are striving for a better work-life balance, valuing family time and personal well-being alongside professional ambitions. They are more likely to seek flexible work arrangements to be more present in their children’s lives.

4. Strict Gender Roles

gender roles

Traditional gender roles were more rigidly enforced by Gen X parents, with distinct expectations for boys and girls. Boys were often encouraged to be tough and independent, while girls were nurtured to be caring and domestic. Millennials reject these stereotypical roles, promoting gender neutrality and equality. They encourage their children to explore interests and activities irrespective of gender norms, fostering a more inclusive environment.

5. Minimal Technology Use

kids technology

Gen X parents raised their children with limited access to technology, often viewing it as a distraction or a negative influence. Screen time was heavily regulated, and digital devices were often seen as a luxury rather than a necessity. Millennials, having grown up with advancing technology, are more inclined to integrate it into daily life. They emphasize the importance of digital literacy and use technology as a tool for education and connection while still setting healthy boundaries.

6. Detached Fatherhood

dad doing laundry

In many Gen X households, fathers were often seen as the primary breadwinners, with less involvement in day-to-day parenting. The traditional family structure placed the majority of childcare responsibilities on mothers. Millennials are challenging this norm by advocating for more involved fatherhood, where dads are active participants in caregiving and household duties. This shift is fostering a more equitable partnership between parents and providing children with diverse role models.

7. One-Size-Fits-All Education

education

Gen X parents tended to follow a standardized approach to education, emphasizing traditional academic success as the primary path to a secure future. As a result, there was less focus on individualized learning styles and interests. Millennials are more supportive of alternative education models, recognizing the value of diverse learning experiences. They encourage their children to pursue passions and talents outside the conventional academic framework, such as arts, sports, and vocational training.

8. Overprotective Parenting

parenting

Gen X parents often leaned towards overprotectiveness, closely monitoring their children’s activities and friendships to shield them from potential harm. This helicopter parenting style aimed to minimize risks but sometimes stifled independence and resilience. Conversely, millennials are adopting a more balanced approach, allowing children to experience and learn from failure. They believe that fostering independence and problem-solving skills is crucial for their children’s long-term development.

9. Limited Mental Health Awareness

therapy

Mental health was not a prominent topic in Gen X parenting, and issues like anxiety or depression were often overlooked or misunderstood. Additionally, there was a stigma associated with mental health problems, and seeking help was not widely encouraged. Millennials are breaking this cycle by prioritizing mental health and wellness. Altogether, they are more proactive in recognizing and addressing mental health issues, promoting open conversations, and seeking professional support when needed.

10. Punitive Punishments

millennial parenting

Physical punishment, such as spanking, was more commonly accepted among Gen X parents as a disciplinary measure. This approach aimed to correct behavior through fear of consequences. Millennials are rejecting physical punishment in favor of positive discipline techniques. Ultimately, they focus on understanding the root causes of behavior and teaching children about accountability through natural consequences and constructive guidance.

Embracing Change for a Better Future

parents and daughter at the park

Millennials are redefining parenting by rejecting outdated practices and embracing new approaches that align with contemporary values. Ultimately, this shift reflects a broader cultural movement towards empathy, inclusivity, and holistic well-being. As they navigate the challenges of parenthood, millennials are striving to create a nurturing environment that fosters growth, independence, and emotional health. By learning from the past and adapting to the present, they are paving the way for a more compassionate and balanced future for their children.

Photograph of Teri Monroe
Teri Monroe
Teri Monroe started her career in communications working for local government and nonprofits. Today, she is a freelance finance and lifestyle writer and small business owner. Teri holds a B.A. From Elon University.  In her spare time, she loves golfing with her husband, taking her dog Milo on long walks, and playing pickleball with friends.

Filed Under: parenting Tagged With: Child, Education, Millennials, parenting

Expected Family Contribution: Digging For (and Finding!) Financial Aid

January 14, 2013 by Joe Saul-Sehy 19 Comments

As you’re waiting for that perfect college to give you the nod, “Expected Family Contribution,” or EFC, is a key term you need to understand BEFORE filling out the FAFSA form (…and you should be filling out the FAFSA form NOW).

Expected Family Contribution is the amount you’ll be expected to pay out of pocket toward your education. Here’s the simple formula:

Cost of college – your need = Expected Family Contribution

Sometimes it’s easier to understand what’s being asked by seeing the equation drawn out. Not to be completely obvious, but that equation makes three points clear:

– You can lower your bill by attending a less expensive institution
– You could attend a more expensive school and not pay a dime more if your need covers the difference between the cheaper school and more expensive school.
– You can lower your Expected Family Contribution by attending a less expensive school, increasing your need, or a combination of both.

Like I said, pretty obvious, huh?

If it was SO obvious, though, why do so many people overpay for college? Not my readers, though, right? We’re so lucky we hang out together!

 

EFC is about Income and Assets:

 

An overall note about assets: Assets are excluded for most people with adjusted gross income below $50,000.

Child Money – The FAFSA treats dependent student money as MORE IMPORTANT than parent money in the EFC equation.

Rational? While parents may have other priorities, the child has one: graduate.

Therefore: 20% of dependent and independent student assets count against them when calculating EFC. Little Jimmy’s got $10 in his savings? That’s $2 less financial aid school will give him.

The EFC calculation includes an “asset protection allowance” for parents and independent students with children before ANY money counts against their EFC calculation. How much is the allowance? While the amount varies depending on age and marital status, the average family receives a $45,000 allowance. After that, only 12% of assets are used toward the family EFC calculation.

So, to summarize:

– Parents and Independent Students with Children receive an asset protection allowance of around $45,000
– 20% of dependent student assets are used for the EFC calculation
– 12% of parent assets are used
– 7% of independent students with children assets

Got it? Awesome.

What’s the rational for these numbers? Parents and students with children have to make ends meet at home first, and then can focus some of their money on college. Students in college should spend a higher percentage of assets on education.

I hope you’re starting to see that WHERE you save is an important factor when deciding how to save for college. Clearly, keeping money in a parent’s hands vs. saving in junior’s name can be a good idea in many circumstances.

Big Point: It’s illegal for parents (or anyone other than the child) to remove money from junior’s name to avoid horrible EFC consequences (or for another other reason). However, junior can purchase items beyond food, clothing and shelter with his own money. You can also choose to save more money (or an equal amount) into the parent’s name for college.

Also notice – 529 plans….they’re in a parent’s name.

…and that money in life insurance policies? It doesn’t count against you at all. As far as EFC calculations go, it doesn’t exist.

Want more on the best places to save for college? Check out: College Savings Simplified, The Best Places to Save for Education

 

Income

 

Expected Family Contribution

Forget full time work for dependent students. It weighs heavily against EFC!

Yeah, I know, you want junior to have a job in college. Guess what? Every dollar junior earns (after a small allowance) counts more severely against his need than income a parent earns. Once again, there’s good rationale for this: junior should be focused on graduating, so if he works, then he should pay every dollar he makes toward school.

As with assets, there is an income protection formula:

– Dependent students receive an income protection amount of $6,000. After that, between 22 and 47% of the amount junior earns is used for EFC calculations. (It’s a sliding scale with percentages rising as the income level rises.
– Independent students with children and parents receive a much more generous allowance. For parents, the number ranges from $16,000 to $55,000 depending on the number of dependents in school and overall family size.

As you can see, parent income counts against need, but once again, parents only have a smaller percentage of their income that counts against EFC.

Rationale? Parents have many priorities besides a dependent student’s education, while dependent students need to save. The EFC allows for a small part time job to learn skills, but punishes students who work full time. Work on graduation!

Good news for me: during the EFC calculation, because I’ll have two in college at the same time, my total parent contribution is divided by two.

Retirement

How do retirement accounts factor into EFC? Money saved into retirement accounts DOES COUNT against EFC. Rationale? You should expect to sacrifice for a short time to help junior through college. If you’re the one headed to school, graduation quickly is your number one priority.

 

Strategies

 

If you’re reading this with young children (or just a glimmer in your eye), realize these calculations can change. However, I’ve been teaching clients about EFC since my children were born, and things are roughly the same as they were then. So:

– Save money into the parent name instead of a child’s name.
– Save aggressively into 401k plans BEFORE college years start because you may have to lower your contributions during college years.
– If you’re fairly certain you’ll be a financial aid candidate, cash value life insurance may be an option (although I generally shy away from these products)
– Forget about junior working full time during college. You’ll just elongate the process for him and you.
– Use Junior’s money to buy assets he’ll use during college and for expenses that don’t include food, clothing and shelter. If you’d like, use the money YOU save by NOT covering these non-essentials into a plan in the parent’s name.

Fun, huh? Financial aid programs actually make a ton of sense to me AND it becomes much clearer HOW to save when you know the keys to the FAFSA and EFC.

What parts of financial aid are most confusing to you? Leave them in the comment section and we’ll try and tackle those next.

This is only one piece of an overall college financial plan. Check out: 5 Steps to a Successful College Financial Plan.

Photos: College student w laptop: Ed Yourdon;

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Photo of Joe Saul-Sehy
Joe Saul-Sehy

Joe is a former financial advisor and media representative for American Express and Ameriprise. He was the “Money Man” at Detroit television WXYZ-TV, appearing twice weekly. He’s also appeared in Bride, Best Life, and Child magazines, the Los Angeles Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Detroit News and Baltimore Sun newspapers and numerous other media outlets.  Joe holds B.A Degrees from The Citadel and Michigan State University.

joesaulsehy.com/

Filed Under: College Planning Tagged With: 401k in efc, Asset, Child, EFC, FAFSA, IRA in efc, life insurance in efc, Student financial aid in the United States

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