Elder Financial Protection Archives - The Free Financial Advisor

Your Sibling Has Power of Attorney Over Mom’s Money — Who Is Watching the Money? — A financial power of attorney gives a trusted agent authority to manage a parent’s money, but it does not eliminate the duty to keep accurate records. Reviewing expenses and documenting unusual transactions can help protect an older adult and the person managing the finances – Shutterstock

Your sibling has power of attorney over Mom’s money, and suddenly, questions about her finances seem to have no easy answers. Who pays her bills? Where does her retirement income go? And if something looks wrong, can another family member demand an explanation?

A financial power of attorney gives someone legal authority to handle another person’s finances, subject to the document’s terms and applicable state law. It does not automatically give that person permission to treat Mom’s money as their own. Yet families often assume someone else checks the transactions, reviews the bank statements, or steps in if trouble develops. In many arrangements, nobody routinely performs that oversight. That leaves families with a practical challenge: protecting Mom without turning every family conversation into an interrogation.

The Person With Authority May Have No Routine Supervisor

A financial power of attorney, often called a POA, allows Mom to appoint an agent to handle specified financial matters. Depending on the document, that authority might cover paying bills, managing accounts, dealing with insurance, or handling property. Some documents take effect immediately, while others establish conditions for when the agent can act.

The agent generally has a legal duty to act in Mom’s interests, follow the document’s instructions, and handle her money responsibly. The agent must also keep appropriate records. However, a POA does not automatically create a second person who reviews every withdrawal or approves every purchase. Banks may verify the agent’s authority, but routine transaction processing does not amount to a family financial audit.

That arrangement can work perfectly well when the agent is trustworthy and organized. A sibling might spend hours coordinating prescriptions, paying the mortgage, disputing insurance bills, and arranging home repairs. The danger comes when the family confuses trust with a reason to avoid basic questions. Even a responsible agent benefits from clear records and reasonable accountability.

Start With the Paperwork, Not the Family Accusations

Before challenging your sibling, find out exactly what Mom signed. The power of attorney document may identify the agent’s authority, explain when it begins, and establish restrictions or reporting requirements. Some documents also name someone who should receive financial updates. That person may have a formal role in monitoring the arrangement, depending on the document and state law.

If the document says nothing about regular reports, do not assume your sibling must automatically send every relative a monthly spreadsheet. A son or daughter does not necessarily gain an independent legal right to inspect Mom’s accounts simply because they are family. State law, the document’s language, and the circumstances can affect who may request information or seek an accounting.

Start by asking whether Mom can explain her wishes and participate in decisions. If she can make her own financial choices, her preferences deserve attention. She may agree to share statements with another trusted person, or she may prefer to keep certain details private. If she cannot make informed decisions, an elder-law attorney can explain which family members or other interested parties have legal options to obtain information.

Follow the Money Without Assuming the Worst

A useful review begins with ordinary expenses, not a dramatic search for stolen money. Compare Mom’s income with recurring bills, including housing, utilities, insurance, prescriptions, groceries, and care expenses. Check whether the mortgage or rent remains current and whether insurance premiums arrive on time. Look for unexplained changes rather than expecting every month to match perfectly.

Suppose Mom’s checking account shows a $2,400 withdrawal, and your sibling cannot immediately explain it. That transaction deserves clarification, but it does not prove misconduct. Perhaps Mom needed a new furnace, paid a medical bill, or authorized a repair that never appeared in the family group chat. Ask for the receipt, invoice, or other supporting record before drawing conclusions.

Certain patterns warrant closer attention. Watch for repeated cash withdrawals without clear explanations, transfers to your sibling’s personal account, unfamiliar payments, unpaid household bills despite adequate funds, or sudden changes in account ownership. Large gifts and changes to beneficiaries also deserve scrutiny if they conflict with Mom’s documented wishes or the agent’s authority. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau identifies personal spending with another person’s money and unauthorized financial changes as potential forms of POA abuse.

Good Records Protect the Agent, Too

An accounting does not have to begin as a courtroom document. A straightforward record can list each transaction’s date, amount, purpose, and supporting receipt. Bank statements, invoices, tax records, and care-related expenses can help explain where the money went. Organized documentation also makes it easier to correct honest mistakes before they become expensive problems.

The agent should keep Mom’s money separate from personal funds. Paying a bill directly from Mom’s account generally creates a cleaner record than depositing her money into a sibling’s checking account and sorting things out later. Mixing funds makes it harder to distinguish legitimate expenses from personal spending, even when nobody intended to do anything wrong. The CFPB specifically advises financial caregivers to keep assets separate and maintain complete records.

Family members can suggest a regular financial summary if Mom agrees and the arrangement permits it. A monthly list of income, major expenses, unusual transactions, and account balances may answer reasonable questions without distributing every private detail to the entire family. If tensions already run high, a neutral accountant or attorney may help organize the records and identify genuine discrepancies. The goal is a reliable explanation, not a competition over who gets to question whom.

What If Your Sibling Refuses to Explain?

A refusal to share information can feel suspicious, especially when the sibling handling Mom’s finances also controls access to the records. Still, silence alone does not establish theft. Your sibling may misunderstand the legal duties, feel overwhelmed, or believe other relatives have no business asking questions. A calm, specific request for an explanation may reveal whether the problem involves poor communication or something more serious.

If reasonable requests produce no answers and the transactions raise genuine concerns, consider speaking with an attorney who handles elder law or financial exploitation. Depending on state law and the circumstances, an eligible person may seek a formal accounting or ask a court to review the agent’s conduct. Suspected exploitation may also warrant a report to Adult Protective Services or local law enforcement. The appropriate route depends on the evidence, Mom’s circumstances, and the urgency of the risk.

If you suspect ongoing theft, avoid confronting your sibling in a way that could put Mom at risk or give someone an opportunity to destroy records. Preserve information you can lawfully access, including statements, receipts, and written explanations. An attorney can help determine whether the POA can be revoked, whether a court needs to intervene, or whether other protective steps are available. If Mom faces immediate danger or an urgent threat to her assets, seek prompt help rather than waiting for another family meeting.

Mom’s Money Needs Accountability, Not Family Guesswork

A power of attorney can spare an older parent considerable stress by putting financial tasks in capable hands. But choosing a trusted agent does not mean the family must ignore warning signs or accept unexplained transactions forever. Good oversight respects Mom’s privacy while making sure her money supports her needs and follows her wishes.

The strongest starting point is a clear understanding of the document, accurate records, and a fair process for raising concerns. If the arrangement needs stronger safeguards, an elder-law attorney can explain which options fit the situation and applicable state law. The CFPB also offers free Managing Someone Else’s Money resources for people serving as agents under a power of attorney.

What would you do if your sibling controlled a parent’s finances but refused to explain certain transactions? Share your thoughts in the comments.